When we become parents we begin to have high expectations about what the new baby will be like in terms of character and personality. Will he be calm like his brother? Will he bring out his father's temper? Be careful what we imagine because each child is different and we may have a child who demands much more care and attention than the others. We talk about the babies and children in high demand.
We must be clear that this is not a pathology, they are different babies, with very different characteristics from others, where their brain develops faster than usual and for this to happen they need more affective, sensory and movement stimuli, therefore we must give them what they demand so that optimal brain development can be achieved.
The term 'high demand baby' was given by Dr. William Sears, to his own youngest daughter, when he realized that she was very different from her 4 previous siblings, behaving in a different way. She came to the conclusion that she was a very demanding and exhausting child, where the parenting methods that had worked for her with the others did not work with her. In addition, the other relatives or people around her always classified her as tremendous, restless, crying, annoying ..., a true demanding, exhausting or high-need girl (High need baby).
The high demand babies have their own characteristics that distinguish them from non-plaintiffs, which are:
- They are very intense
They give everything they do a lot of energy, for example, they suck or eat voraciously, they cry very hard and insistently, they ask constantly, they laugh very hard and they protest energetically.
- They are very absorbent
Especially with his mother and / or caregivers, to the point that they make them feel exhausted, it is like they absorb the energy of the caregiver.
All the time they demand attention, physical contact, that they are loaded, that they give them attention, love and affection and that they play with them, but they never feel satisfied.
- They are not still
They are always ready for anything and even their mind is always on. You can hardly keep them in cars, scarves (carrying), because even though they like physical contact, they prefer to feel free.
- Frequently look for the breast
Not only to satisfy their hunger and receive nutrients, but because for them it is a tranquilizer, it calms their nervousness. When they only receive artificial formula, they reject the bottle when they are satisfied and look for something else to calm them, such as a pacifier or pacifier.
- They demand constant attention
After satisfying one need, they soon show another.
- They wake up frequently at night and they don't take naps or if they do they are very short
- They are unpredictable
They do things that parents don't expect.
- They fear separation
When they see their parents walking away there is a feeling of fear, since they are the ones who satisfy their needs.
When they come to my office for this concern, I explain to the parents why this behavior occurs and I ask them to understand, as I said before, that it is not a disease. It is about their temperament and that if they carry out my recommendations, they will see that after 2 to 3 months, the level of intensity will decrease because they must find a way to offer their children what they demand, before they produces a stressful crisis or situation.
1. Don't try to change her temperament, because you will exhaust yourself too much. Just try to achieve a good and loving relationship with your baby.
2. Don't compare it to anyone, or with your siblings, if you have them or with another baby, call yourself neighbor, nephew, etc. Each person is unique and comparisons can affect their self-esteem in the long run.
3. Meet their demands and dedicate timeThat will calm you down and give you security.
4. Reinforce their good behavior with positive phrases and actions, especially when he is calm, smiling and in a good mood.
5. Do not use violence, you would reinforce their negative side and their rebellion would emerge.
6. Do not please him in everything he demands, you could use it later to manipulate.
7. Channel your emotions, with relaxation practices, yoga or some low intensity sport.
8. Talk a lot with him or her and let it express itself.
9. Act very calmly and a lot of love before a tantrum, but at the same time with firmness.
10. If you feel physically and mentally exhausted, it is valid ask for the help of a family member or caregiver, that will help you release tension. Remember that we are human and at any moment you can lose your temper and / or fall into depression.
11. If you see that you can't handle this situation, that you don't know how to control it and that it gets out of hand, seek professional help from child psychotherapists.
You can read more articles similar to Tips for Parents with High-Demand Infants and Children, in the category of on-site development stages.