A time is approaching that for many means celebrations, parties, gifts, hugs and good wishes; a time of brotherhood where feelings are on the surface. However, Christmas may not be such a joyous and expected time for all parents, especially for those who have experienced a perinatal death. If this is your case, be sure to read the following tips in which we tell you how to face it without guilt and with great enthusiasm the first Christmas with a rainbow baby.
Many of us who are fortunate enough to be parents, know without a doubt, all the emotion that means to spend these seasons now with our children; it is as if we could live again things that we had left behind growing up, now experiencing them through them. For those parents who will be living their first Christmas waiting or with a rainbow baby in their arms, the feelings of these dates, can be a bit confusing and even contradictory.
Remember that rainbow babies are called those who arrive shortly after their parents have faced the loss of a baby, either during pregnancy, at the time of delivery or after birth. These babies have been called this way since they like the rainbow represent the calm after the stormd and a beautiful omen of a calmer and happier time.
However, despite the great joy that it means to be about to receive a baby or have it in your arms on these dates, in these cases, there are certain emotions and feelings that may be difficult to handle for parents such as:
- Anxiety to think that the memory of the previous baby will be erased or diluted with this new arrival.
- Guilt for thinking that it is too early to celebrate and feel good after the previous duel.
- Sadness thinking what it would be like to celebrate with the baby that is not there.
- Fear that happiness for the new baby does not last and something bad happens, etc.
All these emotions can affect and prevent new dads from giving themselves fully to live this time fully and it is normal and perfectly understandable that this is the case.
Here are some tips that can help you cope with these feelings:
1. Don't try to run away from these emotions and feelings. It is better to let them flow, both the negatives and the positives, and understand that they are normal and that there will be a greater calm soon.
2. Know that the grieving process and time for each person is different. Even within the same couple there may be differences between the feelings that each one experiences. It is necessary to respect the process of both without judging.
3. Have good communication with your partner. Being able to speak, vent and understand how each one feels, always helps to face the most difficult moments and give strength.
4. Understand that having moments to regain joy or enjoyment before the arrival of a new baby and in this case before the celebrations of the time, should be allowed without guilt. This does not mean at all that their pain is less, only that life brings with it joys that they also have the right to enjoy.
5. On Christmas Day they can carry out some ritual that makes them feel close to their lost baby and vent how they feel. They can write you a letter, throw a balloon, or have a religious ceremony where you can express your feelings.
6. In the event that it is being very difficult for you to manage your emotions, ask for professional help It is not only valid, but necessary.
7- Many of those who are next to a couple in these circumstances, can fill them with advice and want to make them feel good with the best intentions, however, sometimes these attempts can overwhelm them or make them feel that they must hide their true feelings.
The best thing that those around them can do is listen to them and make them feel that they are counting on them both to comfort them in sad moments and to share their moments of happiness.
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